Tula

Nais kong sumulat ng isang tula 

Na ang laman ay kwento nating dal’wa 

Maghahayag kung paano tayo nagsimula

At kung saan tayo nagpasyang pumunta

Salaysay ng ‘di mabilang na pagkabigo

Maging ang ilang ulit na’ di pagsuko

Maaaring nakakaiyak o nakakatuwa

Dito’y itatala ang mga alaala 

Na gugustuhin mong minsang balikan pa 

Ipapaalala ang anumang nakaligtaan 

Tugmang mga salita ang magbibigay daan 

Tulang nakapaloob ay mga pangako

At sumpang ‘di magkakalayo

Tula na pupuno sa mga puwang ng pahina 

Magiging kasing ganda ng takipsilim at umaga 

Ito ang tulang aking ihahanda

May ikaw at ako sa bawat linya

Another Semester Ended! 

The semester has officially ended!  After seeing my grades, it was like I was able to breathe properly. Kidding aside, I’m so pleased to pass my subjects. Though this semester made me really anxious, it turned out to be good. The hardwork and sleepless nights (not to mention the countless cups of coffee) were all worth it.

 I decided not to take any subjects this summer. (Well, I don’t really need to enrol as I only have eighteen units left before pre-review. Yey!!) For now, I need not to worry about answering a whole chapter of accounting problems or writing a research paper. I thought that I should at least enjoy some leisure before I face my last year in college which I am expecting to be challenging (if not brain-cracking. Oops!). And so, last week I was thinking how I should spend this summer. I started to think about all sorts of fun activities but I ended up being engrossed to korean dramas that I even forgot to recharge my phone for four days. Imagine! Yes, It seems that I have forgotten about the world and I still do not have anything fixed as to my plans. By the way, hello to  Kdrama junkies out there! (Anyeong!) 

Today, I found myself sitting in a chair enjoying a book I wasn’t able to finish as I became too busy throughout the semester. It was really nice. Anyhows, I hope you all have a good time. Enjoy the summer heat! 

Hanggang Dito

Hanggang dito na lang tayo,

‘Di aabot kahit sa pagitan ng hindi at oo;

Paano nga ba naman magkakatotoo?

Malabo namang mabigyan ng sagot ‘tong mga tanong ko;

Oo, hanggang dito na lang tayo

‘Di mo naman kasi rinig itong mga kamusta

Mga kaway ay ‘di rin nakikita

Kaya ngayo’y wala nang dahilan upang malito pa;

Hanggang dito na lang ako, sinasabi ko

Kahit walang dapat tapusin dahil wala ring inumpisahan 

Walang papakawalan dahil ‘di naman nahawakan

Hanggang dito na lang tayo

Walang siguro dahil tiyak na hihinto na dito

Ang ating kwento na tila nakaligtaan kaya walang dulo

Parang liriko na ‘di nalapatan ng melodiya’t ritmo

Hanggang dito lang tayo 

Parang aabot pero ‘di sakto; magkalapit ngunit malayo

Magandang Buhay! 

Bakit ba ganyan ka? Minsan gusto na kitang bulyawan. 

Para lang sana ipaalala na hindi lang ikaw ang may problema sa mundo. 

May dinadala rin ang ibang tao. Hindi ka pinaparusahan ng langit na lagi na’y pakiramdam mo. 

Sinasabi mo laging hindi patas ang buhay. 

‘Di kaya mali? Bakit isisi sa buhay? 

Ika’y mali. Ang hindi patas ay tayo-ang tao. At ang hindi patas ay isisi sa buhay ang bawat problema, kamalasan o disgrasya. 

Bakit mo nga ba ‘yan ginagawa? Siguro dahil wala lang tayong ibang makita.  

Hindi natin matanggap na ang mundo’y hindi perpekto. At minsa’y imposible ang maraming ideya na meron tayo; malayo sa totoo.

Maganda ang buhay; Ang buhay ay maganda. 

Ang sarap sabihin diba?

Kaya’t huwag kang magpaapekto sa mga problema. O mas malala’y idamay rin ang iba. 

Sa halip manisi at magsisi, subukan mo kayang isigaw: Magandang buhay! 

Hindi solusyon pero makatutulong upang iwasto ang mga mali nating perspektibo

Ito’y isa sa mga laban ng mundo. Ang laban kung saan panalo yaong laging positibo 

A Farewell

Life sometimes caught us off-guard. It would offer joy and laughters but then suddenly, just suddenly, it could pour an unbearable pain. Maybe once you have experienced saying goodbye to someone in your life. And yet, I can also guess that you regretted something that time–that something which you should’ve done or said. 

I can’t forget about that day and everything seems to be very clear in my memory until now.  It was the fifth of March. Yes, exactly four years ago; nearly less than a month before my supposedly cheery high school graduation.It was like any other typical Tuesday morning, or so I thought it was, when I and my younger siblings had to prepare for school. I lazily get out of bed and a couple of minutes later; there I was blandly eating my breakfast. The thing was I had a small argument with my mom about me going to where I want for college. We already agreed about it but apparently she changed her mind because of reasons I didn’t understood. I was saying nothing, just like what I usually do. However there were many thoughts that went through my mind such that I was wrong when I thought she cared about my dreams. I was wrong when I thought she believed in me. I was wrong when I thought we were a team. I was wrong. I became upset.  And so that morning, I did not even look back at that spot where she used to stand to send us off to school. No, I didn’t. I did not waive back at her. I missed the good luck kiss. I just left. I left. 

That day, we only had a half-day meeting in school. And even though I decided to finish some school works, I was still able to head home earlier than usual. I was ready to talk to my mom. That is why she’s the first one I looked for upon reaching the door of our house. We may feel upset for a while but later on, we’ll go on like nothing happened.  We’re like that. A hug will be fine, I thought and I prepared a warm one. But instead,  the news from my grandfather that my mom was rushed to the hospital welcomed me. Shock! What happened? She’s just fine this morning. I was flustered. Yes. But you know what I thought? That it was nothing serious. That she can definitely bear everything. She could survive as she was a very strong woman. I knew and saw that. And so the worse didn’t really occured on my mind. 

I was preparing the things that will be needed in the hospital. I was still acting all positive about the situation. My aunt on the other hand, was in a phone call. That phone call went on for a couple of minutes. I could hear them from our room. First there was a need for room transfer and of tests.  They said we have to hurry. And just when we’re all ready to leave, the call abruptly ended. But before the line has been actually cut, I thought I heard a cry. Fear started to embrace me. I didn’t said anything though. We drove anyway and arrived at the hospital where I saw my grandmother pale and weak. She’s been with my mom. Not long after that, we received the news. That news which I couldn’t and I thought, I should not believe. I don’t know but from there, everything seemed to be blurry. Everything stopped moving. There were cries that followed. I didn’t realize that I was crying too until I felt that my face was all damp with tears. The desolating truth slowly appeared in front of me. She’s gone. Just like that.  

I didn’t and would never ask for it. All of it just happened so quickly as if an unannounced storm came to bring destruction. And I guess of all the goodbyes, those that are so sudden that they were left unsaid hurts the most and carve the richest scars. I didn’t even had the chance to tell her how much she mattered to me. I wasn’t there for her. For months I questioned myself and even God. Why does it have to be her?  I couldn’t grasp the fact that she will never be back. 

She was more than a mother to me. She’s also a friend. There was no day we didn’t have those little chats. She simply knew everything. I told her when I got a perfect score in a test, when one of my classmate treat me for an ice cream, when I broke my teacher’s mirror or even when I stumble over a stone on the way home. And those stories made us share ample of laughter. She’s the only one I can fully confide on without doubt of judgements. Now, I realized by the exact words she told me that morning: “Don’t go. It’s too far. I won’t be able to take care of you. Who’ll be there when you got sick? I won’t be by your side. I won’t be able to see you every day” that I am loved. In fact, I am very much loved. So, how dare of me to think that she doesn’t support me when she’s all I’ve got ever since. How shameful of me to think that I was not trusted when she did. How foolish of me to have those thoughts. I was totally wrong. I was wrong. It was just really a simple misunderstanding. But I acted all up. I was too selfish. I didn’t even realize that it would be the last time that I would be able to see her stand there. I should have look back and saw how she waved at us for the last time. I should’ve hugged and kissed her. I should’ve.

It’s been four years. It’s been hard without her around. Sometimes I think of the things we would have done if she was still here. I feel sad but I cry no more. I smile instead; thinking that she’s in peace now with God. I miss her though. 

How many times do we need to say goodbye? I don’t have a clue. What I am certain of is it’s not that easy. Yet, sometimes we just have to. So if ever you’re taking someone’s presence for granted, be sure not to waste time. Express your appreciation and love. Don’t be ashamed and treasure every moment with them as time can be too brief. Don’t let what ifs and maybes linger on your mind every time. Lastly, remember that goodbyes are not always the end. We can always start anew.  And learn from our every farewell experience.

Kwadro

Halika, masdan mong mga kwadro na sa dingding ay isinabit ko

Maganda’t makulay sabihin mo; ito’y sadyang linikha upang hangaan ninyo

Babala’ y mag-ingat lamang, sadyang maraming palabas ang nakalilinlang

Subukan mong tagusin, bawat linya ay suriin, at mula dito’y tuklasin ang mga lihim;

Mga lihim mula sa mga kwadrong inaalis pagkatapos tumiklop ng pinto

Upang ang ganda’t kulay ang makita; Upang itago ang maiitim na marka

Kanlungan ng mga lamat na gawa ng panaho’y lumago’t kumalat

Nananahan sa likod ng mga kwadro na lagi’t lagi na’y isinasabit ko

Teach Me How

Teach me how to smile

Like I never did drown in tears before;

Teach me how to be brave

Like I was never afraid to soar from the high;

Teach  me how to fill the canvass

And paint it with colors but black;

Teach me how to survive the nights

Without the usual tears or fears;

Teach me how to dance

Like its my first time to stand on my feet;

Teach me how to sing

The poems of love I used to write;

Teach me how to love the world,

Even more with its sudden treks; 

Teach me how to forget;

Teach me how to embrace the pain;

Teach me how to mend the wounds;

Teach me how to trust once more;

Teach me then, to start again