#poem, #tula, Filipino, Filipino Poetry, goodbye

Naalala mo ba? 

Naaalala mo pa ba? 

Noong una tayong nagkita;

Kaparang ng mga bituin, 

Ang kumikislap mong mga mata;

Naaalala mo rin ba? 

Noong huli tayong magkita;

Iyong mga mata’y maningning pa rin, 

Ngunit gawa ng pinipigil mong mga luha

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#poem, #tula, Filipino, Filipino Poetry, goodbye

Huli na, Dapat pala

Dapat pala sinabi ko noon pa

Bago tayo tumungo sa magkaiba nating ruta,

Bago ang ngayon kung kailan tapos na

At ang natitira’y kupas na lamang na alaala,

Kung kailan wala nang magagawa,

At maging ang hiyaw ay ‘di na maririnig pa;

Dapat noon naglakas loob at tinanong kita

Kung ako sa puso mo ay malapit na ba

Disin sana’ y lumaban pa ako sinta

Na dapat ang pagbitaw ay ‘di ko ginawa

Dapat sana’ y ako at hindi s’ya;

Na dapat hindi ako ngayon tumutula

Dapat wala itong mga salita

Na ‘dapat pala’; Ngunit huli na

#life, Filipino, goodbye

A Farewell

Life sometimes caught us off-guard. It can offer joy and laughters. But then suddenly, just suddenly, it could give you unbearable pains. Maybe once you have experienced saying goodbye to someone in your life. And yet, I can also guess that you regretted something that time–that something which you should’ve done or said. 

I can’t forget about that day and everything seems to be very clear in my memory until now.  It was the fifth of March. Yes, exactly four years ago; nearly less than a month before my supposedly cheery high school graduation. It was like any other typical Tuesday morning, or so I thought it was, when I and my younger siblings had to prepare for school. I lazily get out of bed and a couple of minutes later; there I was blandly eating my breakfast. The thing was I had a small argument with my mom about me going to where I want for college. We already agreed about it but apparently she changed her mind because of reasons I didn’t understood. I was saying nothing, just like what I usually do. However there were many thoughts that went through my mind such that I was wrong when I thought she cared about my dreams. I was wrong when I thought she believed in me. I was wrong when I thought we were a team. I was wrong. I became upset.  And so that morning, I did not even look back at that spot where she used to stand to send us off to school. No, I didn’t. I did not waive back at her. I missed the usual good luck kiss. I just left. I left. 

That day, we only had a half-day meeting in school. And even though I decided to finish some school works, I was still able to head home earlier than usual. I was ready to talk to my mom. That is why she’s the first one I looked for upon reaching the door of our house. We may feel upset for a while but later on, we’ll go on like nothing happened.  We’re like that. A hug will be fine, I thought and I prepared a warm one. But instead,  the news from my grandfather that my mom was rushed to the hospital welcomed me. Shock! What happened? She’s just fine this morning. I was flustered. Yes. But you know what I thought? That it was nothing serious. That she can definitely bear everything. She could survive as she was a very strong woman. I knew and saw that. And so the worse didn’t really occured on my mind. 

I was preparing the things that will be needed in the hospital. I was still acting all positive about the situation. My aunt on the other hand, was in a phone call. That phone call went on for a couple of minutes. I could hear them from our room. First there was a need for room transfer and of tests.  They said we have to hurry. And just when we’re all ready to leave, the call abruptly ended. But before the line has been actually cut, I thought I heard a cry. Fear started to embrace me. I didn’t said anything though. We drove anyway and arrived at the hospital where I saw my grandmother pale and weak. She’s been with my mom. Not long after that, we received the news. That news which I couldn’t and I thought, I should not believe. I don’t know but from there, everything seemed to be blurry. Everything stopped moving. There were cries that followed. I didn’t realize that I was crying too until I felt that my face was all damp with tears. The desolating truth slowly appeared in front of me. She’s gone. Just like that.  

I didn’t and would never ask for it. All of it just happened so quickly as if an unannounced storm came to bring destruction. And I guess of all the goodbyes, those that are so sudden that they were left unsaid hurts the most and carve the richest scars. I didn’t even had the chance to tell her how much she mattered to me. I wasn’t there for her. For months I questioned myself and even God. Why does it have to be her?  I couldn’t grasp the fact that she will never be back. 

She was more than a mother to me. She’s also a friend. There wasn’t a day we didn’t have those little chats. She simply knew everything. I told her those times when I got a perfect score in a test, when one of my classmate treat me for an ice cream, when I broke my teacher’s mirror or even when I stumble over a stone on the way home. And those stories made us share ample of laughters. She’s the only one I can fully confide on without doubt of judgements. Now, I realized by the exact words she told me that morning: “Don’t go. It’s too far. I won’t be able to take care of you. Who’ll be there when you got sick? I won’t be by your side. I won’t be able to see you every day” that I am loved. In fact, I am very much loved. So, how dare of me to think that she didn’t support me when she’s all I’ve got ever since. How shameful of me to think that I was not trusted when she did. How foolish of me to have those thoughts. I was totally wrong. I was wrong. It was just really a simple misunderstanding. But I acted all up. I was too selfish. I didn’t even realize that it would be the last time that I would be able to see her stand there. I should have look back and saw how she waved at us for the last time. I should’ve hugged and kissed her. I should’ve.

It’s been four years. It’s been hard without her around. Sometimes I think of the things we would have done if she was still here. I feel sad but I cry no more. I smile instead; thinking that she’s in peace now with God. I miss her though. 

How many times do we have to say goodbye? I don’t have a clue. What I am certain of is it’s not that easy. Yet, sometimes we just have to. So if ever you’re taking someone’s presence for granted, be sure not to waste time. Express your appreciation and love. Don’t be ashamed and treasure every moment with them as time can be too brief. Don’t let what ifs and maybes linger on your mind every time. Lastly, remember that goodbyes are not always the end. We can always start anew.  And learn from our every farewell experience.

#poem, #tula, Filipino Poetry, goodbye, Pag-ibig, Uncategorized

HUGOT

Mga tinik na binalot at binaon

Kasama nang paglipas ng panahon

Umasang tuluyan ng maghihilom

Akala’y ganap nang nakuyom

 

Ang sugat palang ilinihim

Pagdurugo’y ‘di madaling pigilin

Sapagkat kapag nasaling

Magdurugo, dudugo pa rin

 

Pagpupumiglas ng damdamin

Hindi kailanman makikimkim;

Kasiping ng sugat na hindi rin,

Maisasantabi sa isang lilim

 

Ang tulang ito higit sa tugma,

Mga pinagsama-samang salita,

At ‘di mailalakip na luha

Maglalahad ng isang gunita

 

Gunita na oo’t nagdulot ng poot

At walang hambing na lungkot,

Gayon ma’y ‘di magawang malimot

Dahil masayang alaala s’ya ring sangkot

 

Ang kape mapait man sa panlasa

Sa umaga lagi pa ring timpla

Dahil sabi mo ang pait maiinda

Kapag ang dalawa; tayo’y iisa

 

Ang mundong malawak

Hindi na kailangang libutin

Dahil mundo mo’y akin

Umiikot sa iyo ang akin rin

 

Mga gabing matanglaw,

Binigyan natin ng ilaw

Sa ilalim ng buwan sabay isinigaw

Ako, ikaw; Ako at ikaw

 

Mga pangarap na hinabi

Kasingkulay ng bahaghari;

Hanggang dulo tayo’y mananatili,

Iyan ang sumpang pinili

 

Kaya’t bakit at paano,

Nagbagong mga pangako?

Bakit at paano,

Napagod ang iyong puso?

 

Bakit at paano,

Nagawang pag-ibig ay isuko?

Bakit at paano,

Unti-unti’y ang ‘tayo’ naging ‘ako’?

 

Mga tanong na naipon

Kasama ang tinik pilit binaon;

Umukit ng sugat paglaon

Umasang ganoon maghihilom

 

Itong sugat na ilinihim

Sakit ay ‘di na kayang pigilin

‘Pagkat ngayong nasasaling,

Nagdurugo, dudugo pa rin

 

Kailan lubos mahihinuha?

Dahilan ng iyong magkawala

Bakit ang damdaming itinaya

Pakiramdam ko’y dinaya?

 

Itong pag-ibig hindi isang laro

Aayawan kapag napagod ka;

Hindi tulad ng isang kwento

Madaling tuldukan kapag wakas na

 

Malayo sa palabas na linikha,

Libangan tuwing walang magawa;

Hindi kaparang ang damdamin

Ng basurang tinapon mo rin

 

Ngayon, ika’y ‘di na hahabulin

Upang sabihing magbalik sa ‘kin;

‘Pagkat ako’y tapos na rin

Tulang ito ang saksi’t didiin

 

Tinik na binalot at binaon

Sugat ang inukit ng kahapon

Malalim, mahirap ungkatin

Ngunit ngayon ito’y ‘di na ‘sang lihim

 

Pagdurugo ‘di na rin pipigilin

Upang kapag ang sugat nasaling

‘Di na muling magdurugo;

Bukas, maghihilom rin